These slow moving, gentle herbivores are actually related to the elephant. They can be spotted playfully body surfing off the coast of Florida, rarely venturing into waters below 68 degrees. They grow to 10-12 feet in length and weigh in at a porky 1800 lbs. Like many of us, they could spend a little more time on the treadmill and a little less time sitting on the sofa watching Baywatch reruns.

Listed as 'Endangered' by the U.S. Federal government, one of the greatest enemies of the Florida manatee is the motorboat. We urge the many Florida SPURMOs equipped with such vehicles to think of our kindred spirits, the manatee, and exercise caution… as long as it doesn't inhibit your enjoyment of dangerous motorsports and seducing women who are impressed by fast boats.

These petite white-speckled owls live underground in existing burrows made by other small mammals. And who can blame them? Honestly, now, hands up who hasn't turned up on a friend's doorstep with a suitcase just needing to stay 'a couple of nights until I get on my feet' only to still be there (rent-free) six months later and so at home that your name is on the answer machine message?

At the last estimate, there were 10,000 breeding pairs of these birds. Typically the study didn't mention how many burrowing owls there were who were not breeding, but who had a stack of magazines tucked somewhere secret in their burrow or were going to the gym and joining activity groups in hope of finding someone with whom to breed.

Their main source of destruction is habitat destruction / land development. I know how they feel. My favourite childhood pub has just been turned into apartments.

The clouded leopard lives in the forests of Southeast Asia at elevations of up to 8000 feet. They spend much of their lives in trees and are one of the best climbers of the cat family, which really is saying something. They drop from tree limbs and pounce on unsuspecting prey such as birds, monkeys and wild pigs. While most SPURMOs would not be bothered about the destruction of cats, the clouded leopard is a mostly solitary and nocturnal animal so shares much in common with us.

Their numbers have been decimated by habitat loss due to deforestation and illegal hunting for Chinese medicines, which is utterly despicable for this graceful, beautiful beast... unless, of course, it is in the pursuit of a permanent, painless, inexpensive cure for baldness.

Six foot four inches and 450lbs of testosterone and muscle, yet quiet, sensitive and gentle. The mighty mountain gorilla of Rwanda, who spends up to 30% of his day foraging for food, is almost a role model for the SPURMO.

Their numbers have dwindled to a meagre 650 left in the wild. This is due to habitat destruction and, even more unforgivable, poaching. Who could have a reason for killing this gentle giant? Having said that, I have always found that a gorilla hand ashtray does make an excellent house warming present.

Six out of seven species of marine turtle are listed as 'endangered' or 'critically endangered'. But nature and their own biology are entirely stacked against these hard-shelled sea creatures. Each female lays hundreds of eggs on the beach. But the hatchlings are picked off by a host of predators – crabs, foxes and birds – as they make their way to the sea. And then once in the sea, they're prey to even more hungry enemies. On top of that, they are victims of human hands. Although it is no longer legal to harvest them for their shells which, when highly polished, make attractive trinket boxes, they are inadvertently victims of fishing nets and pollution.

There are five species of rhino. But did you know that three of those species are found in Asia (Java, Sumatra and Vietnam)? Only two of the species are African. And almost none of them are living outside protected reserves. The rhino once roamed freely throughout Eurasia and Africa, figuring prominently in prehistoric cave art in France.

Over the years, the rhino has been poached nearly to extinction for its horn, which is said to have special potency powers. If that's your problem, surely it's easier and cheaper to go to your doctor and ask for a prescription of Viagra than to fly to Africa / Asia, trek into the wilderness, shoot a rhino, saw off its horn, grate it into your tea and wait for it to kick in. By that time, the girl might have fallen asleep.

The southern white rhino was thought to be extinct, but then surprised scientists by showing up again in Africa. They are now thriving in sanctuaries, which gives hope to us all.

I bet you've never even heard of the saola. They are so rare that they were only discovered in 1992. Found in the dense jungles of Laos and Vietnam, it is estimated that there are barely 500 left in the wild.

The saola is a member of the Bovidae family which makes it related to the buffalo, the antelope, the goat and even the cow. What a messy family reunion that would be.

But how is it possible that a species totally unbothered by western hands can be on the endangered list? While they were 'discovered' by the West only in 1992, they were known to the indigenous jungle tribes for 1000's of years. Unfortunately for the saola, the tribes discovered what has become the root of the saola’s problems: like their cousin, the cow, the saola is utterly delicious.